Living a Dream

It’s been a while since I posted and, as usual, life just gets in the way of the things you really want to do. You step on to the treadmill of life’s daily responsibilities and have to work very hard to keep up with barely living, not leaving you a lot of time to truly live.

Continue reading “Living a Dream”

You Couldn’t See That.

The message that midnight was clear:

You were my only choice – and I was just an option.

But that didn’t stop me from loving you.

It didn’t stop the butterflies in my belly every time I see your face

Or the goosebumps on my skin whenever I hear your voice

The shivers I get at the thought of you touching me

It spreads over my skin,

My soft skin

As I feel your hands slide over it,

You kiss my neck and rest your cheek against mine

And I can’t help but wonder,

Can you see me?

Can you really see me?

I wanted you to see me beyond the mask

So I wiped off the makeup,

Beyond the clothes I let you take off

Beyond the skin I let you caress

Adrenalin swimming underneath it, to the tips of my fingers and toes curled up in tight fists gripping your shoulders as my thighs caress yours, all the way to the landing pads you chose to crash into as you pulled out your parachute, evasive manoeuvres having me screaming your name like …

And yet I still couldn’t help but wonder… Can you see me?

Can you really see me?

Beyond the skin I let you so easily invade

Giving you the privilege to be and do what others only dreamed of

Hoping that something within may open your eyes to see beyond my double D cups and rounded soft butt,

beyond the smile that I wear on the lips I needed so badly for you to kiss

Beyond the hair that you pulled on which would not come off,

And the eyes that couldn’t stop staring at you who saw right through me.

All the way to the parts I was scared anyone would see.

You saw the thoughts in my head play like movies when the words I said were muted by the fear of the truth….

Or the fear of the lie…

Or the fear of the fact that,

Although to you I was amazing in many ways,

I was still just an option – and you were still my only choice.

And although you could see me clearly,

You couldn’t see that.

Seeking The Person Of Christ

“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God; arise therefore, and build ye the sanctuary of the Lord God, to bring the ark of the covenant of the Lord, and the holy vessels of God, into the house that is to be built to the name of the Lord.”

– 1 Chronicles 22:19 (KJV)

We must esteem the person of Christ, but that doesn’t bring His presence. We need to go a step further to actually seek Him.

To seek means;

1. To attempt or desire to obtain or achieve something

2. To ask for something from someone

3. To search for and find something or someone

4. To go to a place
To seek the person of the Lord Jesus Christ, we need to love Him enough and value him enough and our desire for Him should drive us to obtain Him. We should want him badly enough to ask for His presence. We should want Him badly enough to go out searching for Him and desire Him so much that if we can’t get His presence with us, that we go to where His presence is.
We need to set our hearts and also our souls to seek the Lord. We need to do it, nobody is going to do this for us and it’s not something that just happens.

The little but highly significant sacrifices are what built the relationship we want to have. Because we value Him enough to want Him in our lives, we set our hearts to be with Him and we begin, bit by bit, to carve a way for Him into our lives. It’s not always anything major that brings us close, we don’t have to jump in front of a bus for Him and its the little things we do… Spending time talking, getting to know each other, thinking about each other, praying, spending time with each other. These are the things that show how important the other person is to you… What you were willing to give up for these seemingly insignificant things.

The verse above urges us to seek the Lord with our heart AND soul but it doesn’t stop there. We are told afterwards to get up and go to where he is, get involved in what he’s doing. If you want to spend time with someone and that person is always busy, the easiest way to be with the person is to help them do what they are doing.

When my mum is doing laundry or cooking and i want to spend time with her, I go and help her and in the process of working together, we can talk and get things done. It would be foolishness for me to say, “mummy stop what you’re doing and come and spend time with me.”

If you value the presence of the Lord and really want to be with him, you will seek him with your heart and soul by;

1. Asking for his presence

2. Responding to his voice

3. Spending more time with him

4. Getting involved in what he’s doing

5. Making the little sacrifices to be with him.
Read Psalm 105

The Presence

“Say unto them, Whosoever he be of all your seed among your generations, that goeth unto the holy things, which the children of Israel hallow unto the Lord, having his uncleanness upon him, that soul shall be cut off from my presence: I am the Lord.” 

– Leviticus 22:3

Your value for something is shown by how much you are willing to pay for it.

If you say you want the presence of God and you can’t give up something you hold dear to get it, then you don’t want Him badly enough.

When you begin to desire Him above all else, it will become easy to let go of everything just to be with Him. Nothing will be too big a price.

If you’re struggling to let go of anything for God, pray for a desire, a drawing, a longing for God and the more you desire Him, the less significant everything else will become to you in relation to his presence.