Beautifully Broken

Rain drops dripping down the window, mirroring the tears running down her cheek

A race down gravity lane, with no winner and all none the wiser, as the pieces of her broken heart hit the ground in first place.

Tears like blood outline the smile spread sweetly across her pained face

As she begins to comprehend the beauty behind the brokenness, the bliss beyond the pain.

The loss hurt, but the love was worth it

And now, learning to let go and let God, she smiles with gratitude for the broken-hearted girl reflected in the window,

Because although the raindrops caress her oblivious reflection, she is aware of the truth…

she may have lost a lover, but she never lost love.

Minimalising My Madness ๐Ÿ˜œ

โ€œhave i gone mad?
im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.โ€
โ€• Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

I know I’m slightly psychotic but strangely enough, I have found more comfort in accepting it than I have in all my years of fighting it.ย image
You see, because I’m crazy, I can get away with doing the craziest things and everyone around me says, “That’s just Xyvah, you know she’s crazy!”
So I woke up one morning feeling rather depressed, having slept off on the sofa, I strolled into my bedroom to confront the utter chaos which reflected my state of mind.
My room looked like a hurricane had hit it the night before. Not surprisingly, I found comfort in knowing that I had a rough idea of what my heart and mind looked like on the inside.

Continue reading “Minimalising My Madness ๐Ÿ˜œ”

You Couldn’t See That.

The message that midnight was clear:

You were my only choice – and I was just an option.

But that didn’t stop me from loving you.

It didn’t stop the butterflies in my belly every time I see your face

Or the goosebumps on my skin whenever I hear your voice

The shivers I get at the thought of you touching me

It spreads over my skin,

My soft skin

As I feel your hands slide over it,

You kiss my neck and rest your cheek against mine

And I can’t help but wonder,

Can you see me?

Can you really see me?

I wanted you to see me beyond the mask

So I wiped off the makeup,

Beyond the clothes I let you take off

Beyond the skin I let you caress

Adrenalin swimming underneath it, to the tips of my fingers and toes curled up in tight fists gripping your shoulders as my thighs caress yours, all the way to the landing pads you chose to crash into as you pulled out your parachute, evasive manoeuvres having me screaming your name like …

And yet I still couldn’t help but wonder… Can you see me?

Can you really see me?

Beyond the skin I let you so easily invade

Giving you the privilege to be and do what others only dreamed of

Hoping that something within may open your eyes to see beyond my double D cups and rounded soft butt,

beyond the smile that I wear on the lips I needed so badly for you to kiss

Beyond the hair that you pulled on which would not come off,

And the eyes that couldn’t stop staring at you who saw right through me.

All the way to the parts I was scared anyone would see.

You saw the thoughts in my head play like movies when the words I said were muted by the fear of the truth….

Or the fear of the lie…

Or the fear of the fact that,

Although to you I was amazing in many ways,

I was still just an option – and you were still my only choice.

And although you could see me clearly,

You couldn’t see that.

Forget me not

Time changes, things change, people change

As we all head off in our different directions,

I lay at your feet

My one, final, and only request…

Forget me not. 
Forget me not as you go along your way

As the places change and the strange faces become familiar. 

As the things we once did become history

And the life we once lived become a memory. 

Please forget me not. 
Forget me not as you go along your way

As the pressures of life begin to weigh heavy on your shoulders

And the things that brought you joy are far

And the time you have is well spent on surviving 

Please forget me not
Forget me not as you go along your way

And the distance shreds my heart, tearing us apart. 

Your face remains etched in my brain

As though the first thing I saw this morning

Please forget me not 
Forget me not as you go along your way 

And the healer called time cannot seem to mend my broken heart 

As you hold me in your arms all night 

Waking up to the bitter reality of your absence 

Please forget me not. 
Don’t forget the time we spent

The laughs we had

The love we shared. 

I know I can’t compare 

To what she is to you

But if what we had was ever true

Please forget me not… I beg of you.