At first, it felt like nothing. I gave up alcohol one night and I didn’t really think too much about it until the morning after.Read More
I hear the bombs exploding,
The screams of men and women around me
The unfortunate lives ended by one wrong stepRead More
Rain drops dripping down the window, mirroring the tears running down her cheek
A race down gravity lane, with no winner and all none the wiser, as the pieces of her broken heart hit the ground in first place.
Tears like blood outline the smile spread sweetly across her pained face
As she begins to comprehend the beauty behind the brokenness, the bliss beyond the pain.
The loss hurt, but the love was worth it
And now, learning to let go and let God, she smiles with gratitude for the broken-hearted girl reflected in the window,
Because although the raindrops caress her oblivious reflection, she is aware of the truth…
she may have lost a lover, but she never lost love.
The message that midnight was clear:
You were my only choice – and I was just an option.
But that didn’t stop me from loving you.
It didn’t stop the butterflies in my belly every time I see your face
Or the goosebumps on my skin whenever I hear your voice
The shivers I get at the thought of you touching me
It spreads over my skin,
My soft skin
As I feel your hands slide over it,
You kiss my neck and rest your cheek against mine
And I can’t help but wonder,
Can you see me?
Can you really see me?
I wanted you to see me beyond the mask
So I wiped off the makeup,
Beyond the clothes I let you take off
Beyond the skin I let you caress
Adrenalin swimming underneath it, to the tips of my fingers and toes curled up in tight fists gripping your shoulders as my thighs caress yours, all the way to the landing pads you chose to crash into as you pulled out your parachute, evasive manoeuvres having me screaming your name like …
And yet I still couldn’t help but wonder… Can you see me?
Can you really see me?
Beyond the skin I let you so easily invade
Giving you the privilege to be and do what others only dreamed of
Hoping that something within may open your eyes to see beyond my double D cups and rounded soft butt,
beyond the smile that I wear on the lips I needed so badly for you to kiss
Beyond the hair that you pulled on which would not come off,
And the eyes that couldn’t stop staring at you who saw right through me.
All the way to the parts I was scared anyone would see.
You saw the thoughts in my head play like movies when the words I said were muted by the fear of the truth….
Or the fear of the lie…
Or the fear of the fact that,
Although to you I was amazing in many ways,
I was still just an option – and you were still my only choice.
And although you could see me clearly,
You couldn’t see that.
When love is lost and hope ends
When the million words can’t bind the million pieces you can’t seem to find as your cardia erupted, volcanic regret like lava leaking down your soul till time leaves only ashes cocooned by loss
So the sun smites you not by day nor the moon by night because you retreat to inhabit a steel house made of four plane walls that will not be blown down by empty promises and false declarations of “Forever Love”
Too scared to let in the light that once led you to the lover who tore your world apart when you still believed in having a heart, In love, In hope…
Trying to cope, hoping against all odds you’ll defeat the enemy battling for your soul, all the while wondering what profit it would be to give it all up and gain the world
After all, all that’s left is ashes
But from ashes to ashes, from dust to flames, like a Phoenix you rise again to laugh, to love, to cry,
And though you feel the ache inside, you hide the pain behind vodka and sex games, too ashamed you admit to yourself that you got played, so you master the game, enslaving yourself as the world becomes your playing ground and power becomes the aim
you became a slave to your senses
All in a bid to avoid the pain of a broken heart.
But back to the start
To the one with the broken heart and the burnt out soul.
To the one who almost lost their mind when the enemy stole the little hope in the heart that lit up the part of life that ever meant anything
To the one step forward, three steps back
Stepping on glass like stepping stones, wanting to feel pain
No! To feel!
Wanting to feel
alone knowing all along that it isn’t the “Forever Love” lost forever that causes the worst pain
It’s the now in the “always forever” that never came.
With So much to lose and Still nothing to gain
Yet I drown In the chaos I call my life
Still believing the man Who practically destroyed my life
Who took a knife to my heart, daggered me with words
With songs of love, of the birds and the bees
I didn’t see beyond the signs, didn’t read between the lines
The truth written in plain ink, though he refused to sign
I made it my mission, made him my world
Between walks in the park and kisses in the dark
From gazing at the stars so late into the night
He built castles in my head and a moat around my heart
He locked me in a tower and promised I was his
His good girl, he said, his special little girl
A friend he would never want to lose, he said
The one he wanted to be with, he said
The one who made him happy, he said
Yes, he said, no, he said, please, he said, I’m not letting you go, he said
No, he said, yes, she said, why, he said, no, she said, yes, he said
Roles reversed, down in the sheets, the bed soaked wet,
I bet you didn’t expect that, he said
No, she chuckled.
Did you like that? He said, yes, she said
But it hurt, she said… But she didn’t say, it hurt
It hurt like daggers pierced through her heart,
Like acid poured on her soul
To know she had been used, and abused by the love of her life
To know she would never again feel complete
Never again feel whole
For she had given herself away
So someone who would never treasure here
Someone who would never love her
Someone whose heart was made of ice
Whose soul was carved from wood
Whose will was forged in steel
Who had used her to satisfy his raging desires
And held nothing but contempt for her now he was through.
His luxury coupe, he called her
Now, the other girl, was her name
The face he once loved to hold, to kiss, to stroke,
He now looked at with hate and disdain
And then she asked herself, why go on?
Why go on living? She gave him her love, gave him her all
And now she’s nothing but an empty shell,
So she drinks up her sorrows, and rolls up her pain
She lights it with her future and watches it all burn
As she drowns herself in a pool of blood
Bleeding from her broken heart.